Even though our sweet girl is sitting up in Eleanor’s chair, she’s definitely her own girl. She has tons of personality, and no matter what, always has a smile on her face. I have never in my life seen a happier, easy going baby. She wakes up with a smile that pulls the sun up from the horizon, happy to greet the day. When sissy walks into to room, she laughs and grins at her like she hasn’t seen her in ages. We have to say sorry though, we have cursed her with the nickname Lucy Goosey. Personally, I love it. And it isn’t going anywhere. Everyone from Aunt Alana, to Poppi, and all the kids refer to her as Goose, Goosey, Lucy Goose, and every combination in between. It’s So. Darn. Cute. Lucy, I love how much you love life.
At six months, Lucy:
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Two years. 730 of the best days of my life. My first born baby is a toddler. I can’t even.
I have so much love in my heart for big sister. She is a loving, affectionate, chatty, curious little problem solver. She asks a million questions and is on the go from the second she wakes up, exploring the world around her. Over the last few months, I’m amazed by her development. She went from one or two words to speaking in full sentences- requesting and talking about her world. Most of the time though, if we’re being honest, she wants food. From the second we pull into the house from daycare, I feed her 873 snacks until dinner. I can’t keep apples and oranges in the house and find things in the fridge with bites taken out of them. The other day I went to work and there was a bite out of my string cheese... Despite her tough beginnings, Eleanor doesn’t let anything slow her down. She is determined and strong. To get on the counter in our kitchen, I’ve seen her empty toy tubs and stack them up so she can climb up to get what she wants. I’m sure and can only hope that her perseverance is a trait she’ll nurture throughout her life. With that, comes a stubbornness only a two year old can have. The kind that makes you question your sanity. But, we love it and all that it brings. She is a terrific two. Let’s talk about Bun and Giraffe- her favorite stuffies. Secret tip: we have two on hand in case anything happens to one. Eleanor does a great job putting herself to sleep with her paci as long as her babies are at her side. Special thanks to Ms. Lisa and Mr. Chris for giving us the giraffe that has become a staple in the house. If it was burning down, that would be the one thing we left with at this point! haha At two, Eleanor:
One Year HeartiversaryIt’s hard to believe it’s been one year since Eleanor’s open heart surgery. She is letting her heart shine, and growing up to be such a kind soul. She loves to give hugs, kisses, and share her love of life with anyone she meets. She adores her little sister, and always kisses her, tells her “okay Lucy,” when she’s crying, and gives her lots of hugs. Lucy loves her right back, giving her sweet smiles. It’s amazing to see the bond that they already have. Our party to celebrate Lucy’s arrival and Eleanor’s Heartiversary was a blast. We all enjoyed music from Gemini, special times spent with all of her friends, family and people who love her, and even a bounce house and swim in the pool. It was an incredibly special day for all of us. Celebrating our girls is something we don’t take for granted... both miracles to us in their own unique way, as different and special as each of them. For Eleanor, we continue to make positive memories to honor of one of the most difficult, but life changing days of all of our lives. *Now that Eleanor is 20 months old, she is able to do so much! She can:
Celebrating Lucy!Lucy Girl has changed so much over the last 2 months. Not only has she herself changed, but she has changed my soul. Before she was born, I was so afraid that there wouldn’t be enough love in my heart for both girls, that I would fall short, that I would be doing them a disservice. My fears kept me up at night, wondering how I would manage to spread my love around or come up with more than I already have. Lucy took care of that for me. She healed my soul. She made the most difficult moments of my life fade and replaced them with warmth, energy and love. The joy I feel for her can’t be explained. A second child has truly brought MORE love into my life, which I couldn’t have ever imagined possible. As a family, we are complete. We are so grateful, and it’s amazing watching Lucy grow and move through the stages of typical infant development. Unfortunately, we didn’t have the “typical” experience with Eleanor, so we are enjoying a new outlook with Lucy...
*At 8 Weeks old, Lucy has grown a huge personality! She:
I’ve often heard people say “the days are long, but the years are short,” and I’ve recently come to realize how true that is. It’s incredible to raise a tiny human and watch her learn and discover new things every day, but man... it can be exhausting some times! Mommin’ ain’t easy, especially while working full time, managing life, and finding time to be a partner and not just a room mate to my husband. Social life? Yeah right. Some day.... (Sidenote: Adam, you are my ride or die <3 and I’m so blessed to journey this path with you. In case I forget to tell you this, it’s in writing now. ) But honestly, I wouldn’t trade ANY of this for ANYTHING. This is the life I’ve dreamed about living for a long time. The days can feel so long, but when you look back at how the time passes, it’s flying by at an alarming rate. Sometimes I stop to pinch myself and have to remember to stay present... these perfect moments are fleeting. Case in point: I had no idea that this time last week was the last time I would ever cuddle my baby and give her a bottle before bedtime. Now, she’s a big girl and sits by my side to read her bedtime story while she drinks from a big girl sippie cup. Another moment and milestone has come and gone. Moments like these give me pause to look back at where we’ve come in the last year and a half. Even in the time since my last post. It’s been ten months. Ten Months ago... we were preparing for Eleanor’s surgery, terrified about the outcomes and holding her so tight to keep her safe and healthy. Ten months ago, we had never taken her to the zoo, to wander the mall, to a play place, a birthday party, or family gathering. Ten months ago, we had no idea what the future would hold or that we would be pregnant with another miracle baby... one that we thought could NEVER be possible without the help of reproductive technology. But here we are. Ten months later. Baby girl is due to arrive in 18 days. Fleeting moments pass and become memories and new ones lurk at the surface, waiting to erupt. Ten months ago, Eleanor was just starting to crawl. To babble and coo. She had the roundest head. She hadn’t yet said “mama” or melted my heart with “beyyyy youuuuuuu” (I love you). She didn’t yet know how to say “NO!” or “MINE!” and give sassy attitude while refusing to hand over her fork or throwing her sippie. She couldn’t yet give hugs and blow kisses that could melt icebergs. Being a parent is indescribable. It’s joy and pain like I’ve never felt before. It’s a love in my heart that burns so hot it brings tears to my eyes. It’s everything. Here are some of the moments I don’t ever want to forget over this last year and a half of my daughters life... Good and bad. No matter how long the days are. Because now I know, the years are short. Not in chronological order, here are some big moments over the last 10 months. 1. Our first trip to church and brunch after <3 2. Eleanor first time in the snow. She was so excited she ran out of the car with daddy and jumped in. Then she realized how cold it was.... 3. Eleanor’s first swim lesson. She loves the water! 4. Our first family vacation with Sharon, Mike and Henry (and of course Millie!) to Manistee. We ate a lot of sand this trip. It felt amazing to be free of the house. 5. Why not have a pose with a rubber chicken? I walked into the playroom to see this and snapped a photo mid-Braveheart yell. This still cracks me up and will be the background on my phone forever. 6. Our big girl turned one. She choose the “egg” for her il-quiccija, indicating a life of prosperity and everything her heart desires <3 7. Our first time out of state to visit the cousins. She had such a great time. The weather was beautiful and the girls enjoyed lots of outdoor play, uncle’s smokey barbecue, and snuggles with ciocia. Amma and Nanny loved on them all. It was lovely. 8. Our first visit to the grocery store. I’ll never forget how Eleanor bounced her legs in the cart and smiled to go faster. She looked in awe at everything. Then she passed OUT in the car on the way home. So tired. 9. Our first visit to the zoo was with Aidan, Sadie, Aunt Alana, and Uncle Johnny. It was magic. We went on a train ride, had lunch, and visited the penguins. Perfection. 10. Nana and Poppi’s overnight. They spoiled her rotten, as always, and she tore up the house. Adam and I took time to ourselves and visited Las Vegas. Little did we know... baby 2 was in the works! 11. First time to the beach. Lots of sun and sand this day at Auntie Jodie’s! 12. We visited daddy at work for his first high school marching band performance. Eleanor crawled around the dirty turf and ate tiny rubber pieces from the fake grass. The dog peed all over it. Miss Trina and the kids loved all over E. It was perfect. Even if it was a million degrees out. 13. Eleanor’s first pony tail. OMG. 14. Our first visit to the mall with Elisa, Felix and Frankie. Eleanor loved running through the splash pad in her diaper, sporting her new zipper club scar. I kept thinking about what a tiny badass she was/is. 15. OMG the carseat war. This day, not sure where we were going, but we were in a parking lot waiting for daddy. Eleanor pooped a big one and I had to change her in the car while we waited. Then she strongarmed me and refused to sit back in her high chair. It was so hot this day and I was frustrated that she wouldn’t sit, but I laughed until I cried and my stomach hurt. She just kept turning around and standing, no matter how hard I tried to buckle her in... she was too fast for me even then. 16. Day one of going back to work for a new school year. Up until this point, Amma and Nannu took Eleanor for her days when I went to work. We have them to thank for all of her strength and resilience during her first year before surgery. They kept her strong and healthy. Today marked a new beginning: I survived taking her to daycare for the first day of the 2017/18 school year. I didn’t cry until day 2. I was very proud! 17. Eleanor decided she didn’t need me during the day anymore- Aunt Barb and Uncle Bill filled her soul with a new joy for life and learning. She continues to blossom under their care. She’s learning how to share, blow kisses, be kind, feed her dollies and go for walks with friends. They paint, explore, play, have beach parties inside. Aunt Barb sends me home treats and cookies to feed E, Adam, I and our growing babe inside of me. We are INCREDIBLY blessed. Thinking of what gift God has given our family renders me speechless. We are so so lucky. 18. Eleanor is a big sissy! She is ready for “Ooooceeyyy” to arrive any day now... maybe.... LOL. Below are from our 18th Month half birthday <3
1. Eleanor takes off her pants and tells mommy “poop in potty.” Let’s be honest... nobody is fooled by you saying that. We both know you just want to go read naked in the bathroom. And no, I will not apologize for saying as such when you’re reading this as a teenager. 2. Remember when you were a baby and laid on this raccoon? Now you are as big as it. Sighhhhhh. 3. Eleanor loves to brush “teet” in the morning, all by herself. She sucks off all the tooth base and says “dooo done.” 4. My big girl loves “Sparty” and can choose her sippy in the morning. Sometimes she wants Sunshine, sometimes her Sparty cup from Auntie Sharon. She loves milk. 5. Waking up with “bun” in the morning. First thing we do is say “bye bye bahti” (paci) and put it on the shelf. Then we put bun in his drawer and open the shade and shout “Morning!” It’s perfection. 6. This week, we started signing “Twinkle” and “ABC.” You can tell it’s a song, even if the words aren’t all there. It’s awesome. Here she is with her owl from U of M, during the hospital stay for her OHS it kept her company in her crib. This owl makes me cry on the regular. Dumb bird. LMAO. 7. Here we go with Twinkle the owl again. She manages to stay sane while I change her diaper. 8. Aforementioned raccoon from above (picture 2) today and from her two week picture. Look at those skinny little legs. 9-11. Crib sass. Enough Said. She is VERY close to climbing out. I’m praying we can keep her in here for a while longer until we get the baby settled. 12. Raccoon rides again =) Its been a long wait as we knew this day would come. A friend told me the extra holes would allow me to let the extra love pour in, and now I figure we will trap it inside forever by closing those holes. It's a day we were anxiously awaiting but never wanting to come. The road has been long and hard, but worth the joy it will bring her in the years to come. Let me start this entry by saying a gigantic thank you to all those who have prayed, danced, cried and supported us through everything our family has endured. We are forever grateful. Daddy and Eleanor are having a laugh after 7 hours of preop appointments. Eleanor was not happy after the testing, but daddy cheered her up before her bath. The calm before the storm... we had a chance to snuggle up prior to surgery Tuesday morning. Eleanor was quiet and calm- straying from her usual early morning business. Surgery began at 7:30 and went until around 12:30 or so. After waiting an eternity, we found out Eleanor did a beautiful job and was already extubated. We went to see her, and were shocked at how strong she was. She had a very uncomfortable first few days. Despite that, she made incredible progress and was ready for the step down unit by day two. Holding her for the first time was INCREDIBLE. ❤️ On day one, she moved to a few oral medications, was taken off heavy narcotics, and we found out her blood pressure (which was high after surgery) began to normalize. She had some bleeding concerns that slowed as well. Look at me opening my eyes so big! Day two was even better. I moved floors and lost a few more IV's. I was more uncomfortable today as I started to become more aware and get less pain meds. But it also brought me my first baba. Mmmmmm I moved to the step down unit by mid day on day two! I'm so strong! but healing is hard work... Im a fighter. It's gonna take a lot of hands to keep me down!!!
It's hard to believe that our little girl is eight months old today. I look back and her entrance into this world seems so far away, yet it also only seems like yesterday. I remember her quiet little cries and holding her tiny body close to my skin.
Now, she is eight months old. She is strong and doing things that I could never imagine. She crawls like lightning, and stands on furniture and shuffles back-and-forth and try and rip the electronics down. She is full of pep and spunk. She went for the first dip in the pool yesterday, and loved it! This kid is a champion! There isn't anything that can keep her down. This last week, she has started to show signs of affection. She will crawl over and climb up on us and put her head on our chest like she's giving a hug. It is seriously the sweetest thing! I fall more and more in love with her every day. Next week at this time, we will be at U of M Motts for our pre-op appointments. We will have lots of bloodwork, sedated echocardiograms, and will meet with our team. Our suitcases are laid out and we are beginning to pack. Everything is getting very real and the anxiety is building. Even though I know this is something that needs to be done, I'm struggling to choke down the reality that our little girl will have open heart surgery next week. I have nightmares about wheeling her down the hallway with scared eyes, not knowing exactly what's going on and where her mama and daddy are. But she is strong. She is a fighter. She will struggle far less than we will and she won't remember it. We are so grateful that we have friends and family near and far who have prayed for her and sent words of encouragement along the way. I'm not one to ask for prayer, but if there was ever a time... please keep Eleanor and our family in your heart. Pray for our strength to get through this, and for her successful surgery and recovery. We appreciate it so much! We love you guys and will see you when she's healed up and can finally meet everyone! I can't wait to show this girl the whole wide world we've had to hide her from to keep her safe and healthy. Pool party at our house!!! HOLLLLLLLLLLLA! We are so excited with all of the growth Eleanor is making despite her CHD. Her heart works harder, but this girl doesn't let it keep her down. She is a little moving, talking, active machine.
Since our last visit with the wonderful people at Early On (a statewide early intervention system that provides services and supports to help infants and toddlers who have developmental delays or established conditions that may lead to delays) we have been working hard with Eleanor to make sure that she reaches all of her developmental milestones so she doesn't regress or fall too far behind once she has her heart repair surgery in June. We have worked hard on many small and large motor movements and skills, such as head and neck control, core strength, vision tracking, and grasping. Lately, we have really been focusing on developing a pincer grasp as well as making new sounds. We've also been working on some ASL (sign language) so Nora can learn to ask for "more," tell us when she wants "milk" when she's tired, hungry, wants mom or dad, etc. One big gain over the last weekend is Nora starting to make new sounds. She's been really watching our mouths when we work with her, looking at us as we crazily babble "ba ba ba da da da ma ma ma ma" at her. Poor baby thinks we are nuts. But she's started in on the fun! The video above says it all. She also really took off crawling on Saturday. Though she's been wriggling across the floor, she has finally figured out army crawling and pulls herself forward before we can blink. She's super motivated by Baxter's stinky dog toys.... if she could only get at them.... LOL. That's all for now folks! Thanks for popping by and following our journey! It's April 5, 2017 and our baby is turning six months old! I can hardly believe how she's changed and grown, and I feel like she just came home with us yesterday. Could this be real? So much has changed. We have a unique record of Eleanor's diet, pees, poops, and sleeps because we had to be so careful to monitor her intake over the last several months. She has gone from eating 15 ml's (half ounce) during a feed (once every three hours) to 140 ml. (Over four ounces) now. She continues to have formula and coconut oil added to her bottles and is up from 4 lbs. 11 ounces to 12 lbs. 15oz. What a big girl now. It's a far cry from those tiny preemie clothes. ❤ Well, let's talk fun stuff. Here are some of Eleanor's favorite things (complete with captions of course!)
jump up, jump up to get down... yay solids! I'm not sure about avocado... loving my yummy time!!! carrots are my favorite thing to gum on. I'm a big girl now!
I can't even believe it. Five months have flown by in a flash. Nora is almost twelve pounds and is rolling over like there is no tomorrow. She laughs now. It's the sweetest sound I've ever heard. We can't swaddle her anymore because our little Harriet Houdini somehow manages to roll in her sleep and ends up planted face down. She's too long for her bassinet and is growing taller every second. She sleeps like a champion. She is our ray of sunshine: the happiest baby we could ask for. We are undeniably and unbelievably blessed.
These things aside, it's never far from our mind that our little girl needs some "repairs." It's easy to forget that she has a heart that's unwell, especially because she's so full of life. But, she does. So we have scheduled Eleanor's surgery for June 13th and are anxious to get her patched up so she can feel her best. I am excited for the simple things we can do when she's recovered. It will be so nice to go do the little stuff- take her to the library, go grocery shopping, or even to walk around the mall! Being home bound isn't easy, so these trivial tasks will bring us a lot of joy. I can't wait for her to experience all the outside world has to offer. Anyway, going to keep this post short and sweet. Just wanted to provide a quick update. It's been a while since I have been back to work and harder to find the time to post! Thanks for the love and support as always. L "We must be willing to let go of the life we planned so as to have the life that is waiting for us."
-Joseph Campbell A year ago yesterday, I learned more about letting go of plans than I'd like to remember. After hundreds of injections and infertility treatments, surgery, dozens of tests, hundreds of ultrasounds, daily prayers, combinations of supplements, reiki, chiropractic care, acupuncture, and of course tens of thousands of dollars- we had the results of our first IVF cycle... negative. Adam and I cried and held each other all day. I wanted to give up. Take a break. I was broken. Physically, mentally, emotionally broken. Month after month of negative results took a toll on us. We couldn't help but ask God why? We had worked so hard to carefully plan for our little one. We worked hard to get an education and secure good jobs. We saved. We planned. We lived a clean, honest, and comfortable life. We were ready to be parents. Why wouldn't she come? Tears and sadness flood over me when I remember how I felt that day a year ago. I remember the snow on the ground. The way the air smelled. The feeling of my broken heart. Those painful years taught me to let go of my plans. Life doesn't operate on a neat schedule where hope and a google calendar dictate the day to day occurances. I let go of my plans. We pushed ahead. I meditated. A LOT. I worked hard to stay present. And our second IVF transfer on January 22 resulted in our beautiful girl. Thank heavens! And still. I am learning about those plans. Her heart is teaching me that. The plan to have surgery around 3-6 months has been extended to 8-9 months due to the miraculous and inexplicable growth of the tissue in her VSD. She is a miracle. She's working on her own partial repair so she can delay her surgery. She continues to grow and change every day. She smiles, and I laugh. She cries, and I am overcome with sadness. I feel her in the fibers of my soul. She and I are connected in ways I cannot explain and only a mother could understand. She is the life that was waiting for me once I let go of my plan. Right now, my plan is to return to work in four days. I am embracing every small moment until then. I say this as I write over the sleeping child laying across my lap. I'm breathing her in as the time clicks by. I am not taking the time we had/have for granted. So I leave you with that. I'm signing off to snuggle my beautiful girl on the one year anniversary when I learned about letting go, I can only pray that this time next year continues to remind me to be humble, grateful, and faithful. |
AuthorHere we are! Adam, Lauren, Nora, and of course our fur baby Baxter. This is our story. Archives
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